Is failure truly a choice

I am writing this blog hurriedly as I hear laughter from my housemates. This is our final year of university and like new year resolution I have made a lot of promises I didn’t keep. I feel like a first is no longer in reach and this is not me being perssimistic rather it is just me being honest and truthful.

This year has been ridiculously hard and I let myself down. I thought I changed my mindset coming back and I really thought I could get the first. I just messed up and I don’t know what to do.I finally wanted to make myself proud! A first class graduate! I was so determined but now with tears I have to let that dream go. It is so bad that I am even struggling to get a 2:1. I honestly don’t know how to make it better.

I want to do so well and get into an amazing masters program ! Honestly everything is in Gods hands now… All I can do is just try my best! I’m scared of the future…I am anxious! Life seems to keep knocking me down! My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after I started uni and that hit home pretty hard.

I know this is is all over the place but this symbolises my life at the moment…I want to make it and make my parents ,family and myself proud! I wanna be proud and happy…I want my graduation to be blessed.

New year ,new me ! Never that new year,more improved and wiser me is more like it

xoxo

The life of a college student who is struggling to keep afloat !

i need you Jesus ;(

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Goals For UNI(2014-2015)

1) Serve God Faithfully: join GR and be more active in DG. Start exploring ministry and my calling. Trust him with everything.

2) Achieve a 1st Class and get into a Master program in one of the TOP 5 Universities in the UK.

3) Develop Mary Kay: become an active consultant. Help mum to develop her business.

4) Join 1 or 2 sport societies and become active!!

5) Check for music and language clubs and join.

6) Apply for a leadership position in a society.

 

 

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Back to Reality

It has been a few days since I have been back from Holland. I wasn’t consistent with my Blog. I just want to thank The most High, my daddy for an amazing year. It was truly divinely ordained but now its back to business. Don’t worry by God’s grace I will upload a lot of pictures to sum up my Year. I have so many testimonies that I need to write. God was truly faithful.

Being back, I have been more confused than ever. What next? Should I get a job or just concentrate on my Dissertation? Yesterday I went to see some old friends from Nigeria and it was so strange to see how everyone had grown up. It was honestly good! but then I started to feel like I wasn’t good enough again.

One of my friends is in a prominent University in the UK. I cant help but feel like I haven’t done a lot. Moving from the UK was a chance to start over. A chance to push and achieve everything I have ever dreamt. I am 21 and I don’t know exactly what I want to do. What is my calling ? purpose?  I guess that’s a question that people spend their life searching.

Also, coming back I just realised how bad my family’s finances are. It is strange because in our 7…almost 8 years in the UK we have spent most of those years trying to stay afloat. My mum has tried everything. Her next adventure is Mary Kay. Its been 2 years since she signed me up and I haven’t done anything to grow it. I am so scared of failure that I refuse to start but that’s going to be one of my goals going back to Uni.

This September is my final year of University! I have so much I need to achieve this year. I am also scared that my year abroad wasn’t good enough. I know I second guess myself too much. The next section of my blog is going to outline my Goals for final year and this year.

 

Stay Tuned for Holland 2013/2014 pictures

To God be the glory

 

 

 

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On their mark-Robert Madu

Hebrew 12:1-2,I Samuel 18:5-9, 2 Corinthians 10

Nowadays, I am very fortunate to listen to a few men of God online and let me tell you it has been amazing. We pray for wisdom ,knowledge and understanding and this is fantastic but we forget about the part of the bible that says ‘ Get wisdom..’.

I have been battling with loving myself and being content for the longest time. Robert Madu preaching hit the nail right on the hammer for me. In High school, I went to a school filled with Rich girls. Before long I began to try to keep up with the Joneses. I did extreme things to fit in. I remember vividly stealing money from my mum,dad and even my aunty to buy the silliest thing. I had a friend called Anna who sold sweets in school . My parents gave me 500 naira a week i think but her sweet cost 50 naira each. I remember the sweets were called Blow pops . Thinking about it now, it was such a ridiculous thing to steal money over. I vividly remember stealing money about 3 times. I think it was more to be honest but lets just say thats the number of times I got caught.I remember the fear of waiting for my Dad to come back when I got caught. I always pretended to be asleep but I would hear my name and know the deal. It was whopping time lol. The final time my Dad beat me so hard that he almost beat my Mum and her sister. I remember even stealing once to give my friends money. Can you imagine? I would share my stolen money. I was a thief but Thank God for Jesus.

My quest to fit in didn’t stop there. I moved to the UK about 8 years ago (wow that made me think it has been almost 8 years) and I was more confused than ever.I was an awkward , very dark girl with the thickest Nigerian accent. When my family came we were seriously trying to keep our head above water. It was very hard . Actually I will stop here because this is a story for another day. For the longest time I have tried to forget my past  because of all the bad things I have done. However, I know that the only way I can grow and move forward is by facing it and learning from it. Even here in Holland I have tried to fit in . Desperately pretending to be someone else,I feel all my years in School have taught me to pretend so much that I dont even know who I am. I am still on a quest to find this out but I know by the end of Holland I will be in a better place than I came here.

In Life , we are constantly trying to compare ourselves to other people. I feel we are in a constant war not only with ourselves but with others. Instead of using Gods pace on our mark , we use our own pace on other people’s marks. Robert Madu said that when we compare ourselves with other people we spend time on someone we were not destined to compete with. In the end we end up in the same position. We keep our eyes on someone else rather than Jesus. A prime example is in the Bible in 1 samuel 18: 5-9. We see that because of comparison Saul changed his target from Jesus to David.This ultimately led to his destruction but who can blame Saul. It is difficult because in life we told that Competition is healthy and it is . However, as human beings we should primarily try to compete to be better versions of ourselves.

Comparing ourselves with others consistently clouds the clarity of God’s call on our life.I love how Mr Madu put comparison in 3 words. He said the devil came to kill, steal  and destroy.However, comparison kills your joy,steals your peace and destroys your sanity. It is amazing how we try to get things we cant afford, to satisfy needs we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like just to prove that we can do better.He also said that God has given us two destiny’s . The first is to become more like Jesus and to become less like anybody else.  

Ephesian 2:10 – ” You are God’s masterpiece…” . God has made everyone of us unique. To be honest, I have always struggled with this concept. How can 7 billion people be unique but I have come to the conclusion if God has every single person name in the palm of his hands. He must know us by our own unique characteristics making us unique.Why? because he is God and amazing.Simple as , sometimes we don’t have to search for complicated answers to questions. Comparison always begins with “but me”.After listening to this video I began to see that I was a But me person. But me people connect everything in life back to themselves. 

It is very easy to become a But me person. A but me person cant celebrate with others without complaining. They also find it difficult to compliment someone as it takes something from them.Finally,if you are secretly happy about someone else’s failure then you are a But me person It is amazing how unintentionally we start harbour these feelings. I think it is especially easy with Social media sites like Facebook. I find that I can spend hours on Facebook and Instagram just looking at other people’s so called happy lives. Soon, I started to feel like I didn’t  measure up or that My life wasn’t good /exciting enough. The interesting thing about Social Network is that it is based on someone’s perception on their own life. This is very important because it mean that people change ,remove and add different things to make their life seem better/ worse than it actually is.I am not saying this is always the case but the next time you think your life is miserably because of X’s pictures or status just remember this . Don’t start to allow comparison,jealousy or sins enter rather let it be your motivator to make yourself better.

 

Everyday we need to say to ourselves, ‘ I am going to be the person God created me to be. I am going to keep an eye on Jesus and run my race’. The only time we should consider if we measure up is when we ask the critical question is ‘Do i measure up to Christ and who he wants me to be?’

 

 

 

 

 

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Walking to his feet phrase 1

This is blog is not only about my Study abroad time in Holland but it is about documenting and sharing what I have learnt in my relationship with God.I am by no way perfect but I am striving to be perfect and to live a Godly life. I have not been very consistent with God and at the moment I am doing a 100 days fast with my Church. I know *gasp* 100 day but to be honest it is exciting. To say I have struggled with this fast is an understatement but I am grateful to God for using some YouTube video’s to educate me about fasting and prayer. I would like to share it with you. I don’t mind if it is one person that see this I just hope it blesses someone .

Fasting : Isaiah 58:1-14

A time you step aside because you want God to do a breakthrough.Fasting is the way that gets through the gateway in the crises of life. I am not a professional when it comes to fasting but I can confidently say it yields great results. 

Fasting is the deliberate abstinence from physical gratification to achieve a spiritual goal. It is a denial of the flesh in order to get a response of the spirit. During Fasting we say NO to ourselves and yes to God. When we give up food we get God’s attention. The ironic thing is to satisfy our body we eat but to satisfy our soul we abstain.By fasting we are telling God we have a bigger need for the soul. We are denying our self. 

As humans our thought process shouldn’t be body–> soul–>spirit. Rather we are spirit->soul->body. It is amazing the bible says we should set our mind on Heaven things. If we want the outer man to do right we have to set the spirit man free. Fasting instills and shows our humility. We are telling God I cant do it on my own , I want you to step in. In life, sometimes we unintentionally do this . We subtract him from the equation but still want him to intervene and then we wonder why it goes wrong. 

These words above are not all my words most are from Pastor Myles Monroe preaching on Fasting.As humans God as given us authority on Earth to bind and loose.If you cant overcome your belly, how can you overcome a demon? Even Jesus said this one can only go by Fasting and Praying. It is not easy,nothing in life comes easy but whatever you want you put your mind to do it. I know God and when he sees you put your mind to anything in holiness and righteous and when you invite him into any situation, he gladly steps in. 

He is a loving Father and he never want to see us hurt.Fasting increases your capacity to increase your spiritual power.We need to remember that everything God is and has is available to us through prayer.We need to continually be found in a place of prayer. I remember a quote that says the Hardest battle are fought on your knees. This is one area in my Christian walk I am truly struggling. I haven’t gotten to the stage where I can hear confidently from God and recognize his voice but I am not giving up. I know by faith as I search more into his word he will speak, I will hear and recognize his voice. In Jesus name Amen. Pastor Myles said that God doesn’t intervene on Earth without the cooperation of man. At first I was confused then he further went on to explain that Man holds the power of license on Earth, 

I believe the devil doesn’t want us to realise this power.We weren’t designed to live without the designer. Psalm 115: 16 – ” The heaven,even the heavens are the Lord’s but the earth hath be given to the children of men”.Prayer is our earthly license for heaven’s interference. When we pray we give God full permission to interfere in the Earth’s affairs.Prayer is heaven’s power impacting the Earth through man’s earthly authority. Today I learnt I need to stop praying what I see but what I desire and want to become.Finally,we don’t need the bible to be spiritual  however we need to read it for material so the Holy spirit can dig it up when we need it.

 

As you can see I am a talker but I hope this blesses you! I am striving to get to the next and higher level in my relationship with God. I feel we should all strive for more. We should strive to get to know him in a new way everyday. I sincerely pray God reveals himself to us in an exciting.I am truly excited to get to know God in a new and beautiful way.

 

Let me tell you the worst kept secret ‘ 2014 is my Year’.

 

Be still and know he is God.

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Blogging ,Vlogging ..whatever you call it has been rather hard. I never seem to have the time or should i say I never make the time.

So today I finished my 6 months of Study in Saxion University! God is good.. I have been looking at old vlogs and all I can say is wow

Anyways let me stop rambling! This vlog is about an awesome girl i met. She is probably never going to see this but I thought I should dedicate this to her.

Dayoung was an awesome room mate.
She is selfless,loving ,caring and kind.

Her english wasnt the best but that never stopped her from trying.

She truly cared and wanted to make sure everyone around her was ok.

Sometimes we forget that all some people need is a smile or a hug.

we talk more than act! Be ye doers…

Let your life be the standard ! when people see you let them see Christ!

As i write this I am so happy to have a blog based on Christ! God has been too amazing to me and I cannot begin to explain how much!

This video doesn’t begin to explain how much she helped me in the video.

That day I didnot get a bike but that didnot stop her walking for more than 2 hours for me !

She made us shushi on her final night.
she is a truly caring person.

One day , I hope to go to Korea and meet her again.

There is one thing I envy her for. She was only in Holland for 6 months but she definitely made the most of it.

A vision of Dayoung drunk just came to my head. that day she told me and marie she loves us!

In the short time she was in Holland she made it a point of duty to see all the countries in Europe she had dreamt of.

She didnt care she just explored .

So many times in my life I just overthink everything and end up not living! I definately didnot want to do clubbing and all that but what happened to exploring!

Enjoying Holland in a Godly way?

As I close this chapter of Holland. I cant help but wonder what’s in store for me ?

but all I know is Yaweh is in Control.

Homework : Vision mode

kisses
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